Behind the Mask
Behind the mask I’ve hidden for a hundred days, ashamed of what life’s given with obstacles in my way.
Too often told you can’t do that, and you will always be no good, years later now and wiser your own fears are understood. I’ve sat there in the shadows of the others in the hood,seeking their approval I mimic their every move. five hundred heads surround me daily as alone I went to school, a chance for your sniggers and your painful ridicule.
I have found the strength within me to let my own star shine, you can blot the pages of my history but my future is all mine. I know what I have been through has made me a stronger soul all the pieces were simply shattered but now at last I’m whole. I am supported by the shoulders of many from the same place, as we seek justice and recognition with dignity and grace. so I encourage more people out there to step forward from your past and hold my hand tightly as I appear from behind the mask, the mask no longer welcome, I know who I really am and I will guide you with empathy and understanding to be the best …yes you can
For I have found my new vocation and I now know where I belong and go forth with conviction with passion,words and song, a free spirit sits before you my nightmares all gone. You too can find your freedom the courage to live at last just hold my hand tightly I’ll guide you gently from Behind Behind The Mask.
The arena is filled with an expectant crowd split into groups, one for the champion the other intrigued by the rookie fighter
who enters the ring although with fear in high spirits and a fire in her eyes but with chest getting tighter and tighter
The circus of supporters and doubters was finally here this is what you wanted right, right now she felt like a lamb to the slaughter
In desperation she remembers her mantra watch me soar here me roar but her words became muted yes she was suited and booted but was she prepared was she really there blinded by the spotlight cautiously she steps out of the darkness choking on tears being strangled by her fear.seated in her corner she closed her eyes and drifted back to a an all too familiar scene from her past cornered against her will surrounded by wolves in sheep’s clothing spitting and screaming obscenities in her direction “useless, thick, ugly, freak” they would say repeatedly almost singing like a playground chant in-what seemed like cinematic form the single opponent across the other side of the ring transformed into every single person from that playground. Every negative word spoken in conflict to ruin her mind thus crippling her tiny fragile stature. Feeling violated by every word spoken, every action taken against her all the hours spent learning like any good student would.
All the training coaching and tender loving care received all boils down to this one moment here right now for I AM that fighter, this is MY arena, this is MY ring may words are my gloves armed ready to dazzle and dance around your soul with my poetic alphabet.With my own combination of punches I will fly like a butterfly and sticking like a bee for that rookie fighter is now a heavy weight champion I bare all my scars with pride and on this winners rostrum I smile, hello that fighter is me.
I watch as they take you behind the velvet blind, I hear the furnace burning if only in my mind .they force the doors shut tightly on my very right to grieve, life goes on around me people come and people leave.all too quickly they tell me it’s time to stop your tears but they forget the love we shared so deeply for all those years. They can’t just tell me to stop crying you were taken away too soon just because I smile away doesn’t mean I’m “back in the room”. My tears were only starting to fall like a solitary dripping tap forced to put a plug in my heart and not speak of you at all. Many years I’ve hidden behind the wall I’ve build up inside my soul like a concrete dam built long ago it stands strong and it is tall. But now it’s time to unlock the door and let my feelings in so I watch the waters flowing and for a while I sit within, I sit inside the river made of gallons of my tears these concrete walls have burst open and I’ve let the flood come in so I will swim in this ocean it’s ending place Unknown I will trust in my instincts and just go with its natural flow its path will have many different twists and turns but I will swim with the tide for too many years I’ve sunk in misery but now I rise
pictures fill my vision of you holding me so young, reminders come in music with all the songs we have sung
I have a destination that I will eventually reach where these waters of my sadness can settle on a beach I’m not ready yet to let this go but its grip on me is unraveling tenderly and slow I want to get to the place where I cry for you no more and to my long painful grief I can say to it there’s the door
Sally Edwards 2016
I enter the small black box room I hear the familiar sound of my wheels rolling over the surface of the polished sprung wooden floorboards I smell the old musty paint which is chipped and crumbling off the deep red walls.the high positioned windows create an all too familiar pattern of rectangular shaped beams of light along the length of the room. Little has been Changed except the odd modification to the entrance and the addition of modern sound equipment mounted onto one wall. A modest sized understated room in a multi functioning premises, a gallery, a place of work, a place of many different crowds and congregations which ascend on these walls for a multitude of merriment and artistic demonstration.the very act of stepping into that place once again seems oh so simple to the unknowing eye but for me it plunges me back head first to a landscape of many different colours and shapes and secret pathways this is just not one simple place this was the epicentre of my kingdom the humble plant pot where my seed was sown and my roots allowed to sprout and blossom this tiny, humble sanctuary nurtured the roots of what is the chore of my existence and the diet in which I feisted on was so rich and plentiful taking one tiny incredible after another which cooked up,a dish or delicious self discovery, overflowing with floods of self expressionism in a way I had been banished from before . My kingdom was a playground for other like minded souls searching for an unspoken dialect from which they could communicate communicate deeply within themselves and outwardly to me in my kingdom I discovered a whole new world where my unique dysfunctional distorted skeleton had a new range of movement a voice, a presence to be taken notice of and for once I encourage this instead of desperately trying to blend in to the environment unnoticed. Week after week my people would come like a congregation attending a church in Sunday this was my church, my place of worship, to rejoice in my new found pleasure in this place, I was troubled, frightened brave experimental and finally after what seems like a lifetime I was true to myself as I allowed others to find many different ways to embrace me lift me aloft I had been searching for the courage to embrace me, and hear I had found me physically different, yes, deeply misunderstood, without question,I had been caught up in a web of denial, deceit ands suffocated in a blanket of cotton wool Which I had been choking on with no where to breath. Imagine then for a moment the devastation I endured as this kingdom was cruelly taken from me snatched away by men in suits in a kingdom far away much larger than mine with no apology and little explanation.in my kingdom I was free to twist and turn and leap and curl and unravel in any way necessary for hours on end I would invent new ways to spin and glide sweep and slide using the surfaces of the room , and the many different unique yet beautiful mounds of flesh muscle and bone of others each exchanging an endlessly evolving intimate language of dance. Over time I mourned for my lost kingdom as I packed up all evidence of my settlement and slammed the door shut refusing to speak a single word of you. Muted by the grief I felt for the loss of what I did what I learned what I had become I drifted off into a wilderness deeper and deeper I ventured until I was hopelessly lost. I abandoned the ruins of a kingdom taken down by enemy forces there was no ceremonial exchange no flowers nor wreath laid down to mark the spot where my universe crumbled no carriage clock or golden hand shake.
Like a wounded animal I escape the spotlight and delve deeper and deeper into a world of dark cold self doubt feeling like any old apple left out in the elements my chore had rotted away and was bruised beyond any recognition even to myself. Until such time by sheer coincidence I was pulled by a force unknown to me to try something new with the echoing sound of my kingdoms doors shutting behind me still I tread carefully onto a new landscape with ideas in my head and a fire in my belly eager to make people sit up and notice me again I was somebody I liked being somebody back then and I wanted that feeling again not for the validation of others but for myself who was I anymore can I be that person I used to be or is there someone new desperate to get out. So now I am not master but servant of my new kingdom the apprentice not leader anymore many hours of study await me any maybe in time I will have inherited a new kingdom of my own to dwell so I exit the small black box space and smile as I say goodbye to the past and embrace what lays ahead in my future
Sally Edwards 2017
Pride in the name of love those words are so true
who has the power to dictate who should love who
rainbow colours fill my eyes on a warm July day
people dancing all around so much to celebrate
pride in the name of love is what it’s all about
and love will beat your hatred of this there is no doubt
the rainbow blood that flows within our veins boils at the scenes, of gunshot wounds on victims and terrifying screams this is the work of God you say to condemn us all to hell but the God Ive known from childhood would spread love to all men..we stand strong together across oceans far and wide and defy your evil actions and comfort those who cry
love is love no matter what and this will never change we have faced so much discrimination and we shall do yet again
But I will continue to feel pride in the name of love so your callas act of murder will not scare us away because love is love is love at the end of the day so stand with me now family as we hold our heads up high and repeat after me pride in the name of love…pride pride pride!!!.
Sally Edwards 2016
Who gave you permission to walk up to my door, what right do you have to inflict me with misery my god I am so sore.
You show me no mercy but I refuse to give in, as you Paralyse me with spasms and send a shockwave of pain within. As my skeleton is creaking under all of the strain I refuse to sit here weeping and walk into my dark place again. A place so vast and Lonely a room of self loathing and hate, I will rise up again from this nightmare like the Phoenix from the flames.
I will show you to the door as you my uninvited friend are welcome here no more be gone don’t come back again.
The burning that rages down one this body of mine,farewell to the slashing blade that cuts deep from side to side .
Yes my spine maybe somewhat crooked and my shoulders may constantly seize, but my mind is fully functioning and strong enough to succeed. I will win this battle I’m fighting I will not surrender control, of my body mind and happiness you will not darken my soul. I need to learn to listen to the most precious thing I have my own existent is Held preciously in my own hands so even though I’m hurting I can sit here and smile, and you my uninvited friend are no longer a friend of mine.
Sally Edwards 2016
Ode To A Woman
Woman has beauty, woman has grace, woman cries tears with a smile on her face.
Woman is fragile, woman is strong.
The last one standing when all else goes wrong.
Woman has colour, woman has scent.
Woman has voice, let’s celebrate her song.
Naked and vulnerable in your arms I yearn to belong.
Woman is daughter, mother and child.
Woman has class like a vintage wine.
But above all else, woman is divine.
Sally Edwards 2016
By Sally Edwards
When I set out on this journey of literacy and Rhyme,with no goals nor expectations or any concepts of time, my thoughts were clear and simple my methods covered before, the need to represent us I feel more and more. with no drivers seat or compass to guide me on my way, my confidence grows stronger as I cruise on this highway. you can fill my head with poison you can punch me with your words, but my journey will continue with courage in every verse. I will not let your jealousy your envy prevent this adventure’s speed
I don’t do this for my pockets greed I do it for a need, a need to express myself a need to shout “I’m here”. I do it with conviction no longer filled with fear so continue with your vendettas don’t stop regurgitating your lies, I will carry on my journey graciously and smile. for I believe in my reasons as I realise my destiny, I will watch you fall around me as you run out of steam and as each day I turn new corners I will continue with my dream. for my journey is never ending and will always evolve, and nothing and no one will crush my passion nor my resolve . as the next chapter awaits me I walk with confidence and free,I hold my head up high for I am real I am me.
Sally Edwards 2016